Success, sexiness, seven-year-itch...

Success, sexiness, seven-year-itch...

A friend writes that being successful makes you sexy. Shallow? Maybe not. I guess it's a manifestation of being attracted to security - the good provider. In prehistory that would have meant the strongest (physically and, possibly, as a leader). Aggression would have been a by-product or perhaps a substitute for bravery, but it certainly has no place in the modern world. Bravery, though, takes many forms and can be practised by anyone and it can lead to success as well.

Today success might mean just being good at your job, or maybe sport, or just being popular. I wonder if it matters what your job is? Perhaps so. Certainly it would be hard to appear attractive if you're struggling with the basics of living - job, bills, personal grooming, transport, etc. Unpopularity also counts against you.. mostly.

I don't think you need to be Richard Branson, although some elements of his success can be copied by anyone, but it's fair enough that people considering you as a potential mate would expect you to get your "s" in a pile.

That is what makes TV characters like Cracker and Rake so intriguing, as well as but in a less extreme way for Laura Gibson (Seachange) and Rafferty (Rafferty's Rules). Undeniably brilliant at their jobs and passionate, but fatally flawed in their relationships and their personal everyday life details. They all make us connect and laugh because we love the ironic tragedy. Cracker and Rake, in particular, forge on to their own dooms in full knowledge and with middle finger raised at the world. They just can't help it and we can't help watching.

I'm think about this while considering the Peter Principle(?), where staff get promoted as a reward for doing well and then get stuck when they reach a job or level where their performance no longer stands out. "People get promoted to their own level of incompetence." This generally takes around 5 to 7 years. At that point they are no longer "successful" because they are no longer doing something they are good at and, probably, they are frustrated as well. I wonder if this explains the well-known 7 year itch in relationships? Maybe.

Some things are wonderful

Had a wonderful lunch with a friend yesterday. At a lookout cafe with a cool breeze, cold coke, and a burger with real salad and beetroot!

That reminds me of the origin of the word "beetroot" - an anglicised form of the old Dutch rote (red) but using French word order (noun followed by adjective) and perhaps related to rouge (red). So why do we say "silver beet" but not "red beet"? Perhaps because "beetroot" rolls off the tongue more easily, or maybe we inherited it via Dutch/French cooking recipes. We may never know, but it sure tasted nice on the burger.

Some kind of record...

Wow! I just revamped my RSVP profile and thought to take it for a test drive by sending out some kisses. I got a bit carried away I guess and sent out 30 kisses. Two days later and my inbox has 20 rejections.

It makes me think because some them were RSVP matches and for most of them I seemed to be what they'd written in their "Ideal Partner" profile. Reminds me of filling out job applications, answering the criteris, waiting for replies,... and not ever getting to the interview stage.

C'mon ladies. Either change what you say you want, or give a bloke a go eh? I'll shout the coffee. You say you're looking but are you really?

Everybody thinks I'm paranoid!

I'm not paranoid, but even if I were that doesn't mean that they're all not out to get me.

Rebound or Restart

How do you know if you're ready for a new relationship, after the finish of an old one.  I guess that's it isn't it? 'after the finish of the old one' but that may be different times for the two ex-es.  Even for your own part, how do you know you're not 'on the rebound'? 

I think we each have an obligation not to stuff other people around.  It's rude to give someone the impression you're looking long-term, when really you just want some short term pain-relief.  That's using using another person.  Selfish and human it may be but it's wrong becuase it just creates a cycle of more hurt.

I once read, "The best cure for a woman is another woman" Most likely true, but kind of rough on the unwitting newcomer.  If they fall in love with you, you have their heart in your hands.  There's no point saying you don't want to be responsible for another's feelings.  That's a cop out.  We have to take responsibility for out actions in this world .  So-called free spirits take heed.

So you need to be ready in yourself, at least ready enough.  You owe it to the new lover.  Trouble is, at least for me, falling in love means deeply, deeply, deeply.  How can feelings like that really ever end?  Is it OK if they don't?  Can you love again without physically cutting that part of your heart out - as I feel would be necessary.

When I fell in love the second time I found I could love again, but I never thought I would be able to given how I was feeling at the end of the first true love.  I truly thought I would die.  As you may have guessed, I've gone through that again, with the difference being the knowledge that I survived the first time.  But it was still horrible, and so we come back to the point of this post.  Should I move on now?

The feeling of being loved is just so wonderful, perhaps it's like childbirth*. Love is nature's pain relief. So we forget.  The real thing to be careful about is being emotionally dependent.

* Yes I'm a guy, invoking a comparison of the pain of childbirth.  Should we forbid childless females from talking about it as well?  I'm actually in awe of how severe the pain was, and how quickly it disappeared afterwards when mum held baby in her arms.  That's how powerful love can be.

Multi-stream chatting - cool but it does your head in

This is one for the impatient chat room users.  You can't wait for the reply to your post, and meantime you think of another cool witticism, so you type that in before you get a reply to the first one. 

I first noticed this happening on NetCentral in the 90's - probably the best chat site ever.  Good old 'Nettie'.  People were maintaining separate conversations on all sorts of really interesting subjects (this was in the 30-somethings room) and most chatters dipped into multiple conversations.  That seemed frantic at first, but the logic of it wasn't particularly strange.  Then I noticed multiple people - and even pairs - were having multiple conversations at the same time.  Woah! Head spin!

Kaleb: Hey Shoshonnie!
K: Whatcha doing?
Shoshonnie: Hi Kaleb, how did that trip go?
K: Ow, 12 hours on the bike. Bum hurts.
S: Oh nothing much, cleaning up after lunch with Mathew-Shane - a curry.
S: His too :)
K: haha

I really like this kind of conversation, and I've often wondered how it would go in real time.  Of course, it's driven by the delay due to typing.  You'd have to force people to wait a few minutes before replying.  They'd have to remember the different streams and maybe the noise would create an impossible distraction.  Fun to try maybe?

Think I'll try it in my English class by getting small groups to communicate with short, handwritten notes.  A chat room like Nettie would work well, wish I could find another one as fun, lively, witty, ernest, and full of such kind people.

RSVP Protocol - playing the field

You may remember when the word "item" came to mean the recognition of two people as a couple by their mutual friends, and the realisation that each was "with someone" (perhaps as yet unspecified, but definitely a someone) among non-mutual friends and family. So basically this means they were "off the market" at least for now.

How does this idea work on RSVP? I feel a bit dirty accepting kisses left, right and centre while being in email contact with someone. Perhaps I'm old fashioned but that $10 stamp represents a commitment dammit! Or, in business terms, at least an investment.

I'd like to coin a new phrase "pre-item" to indicate this predicament. This would mean that while it may not be a mutually agreed status, at least you want to keep your own conscience clear while not putting other interested parties off permanently.

Here are some ideas for KISS reply messages while you consider yourself a pre-item:

KISS reply. Thanks for the kiss. I'm flattered by your interest and I like your profile. I'm a pre-item with someone just now but if it doesn't work out, I'll let you know.

or:

KISS reply. Thank you for kissing us today. Your kisses are important to us and you have been placed in a queue. You will receive a kiss in reply as soon as we are out of item or pre-item status, or if we choose to play the field a bit. Please hold, or send a 'hmmph' if you wish to return to the switch and try someone else.

or perhaps:

KISS reply. Wow! This is a smorgasboard, would you like a threesome?

I'm sure other people can lend their suggestions here. :)